You know the cliche. Men don't like commitment.
Chances are, you've dated a guy who seemed to fit this cliche. You've probably asked yourself why this happens. And you've probably wondered if it's even possible to get a man to want commitment as much as you do.
In this report, I'm going to show you how to reverse a man's resistance to commitment. And I'm going to show you how to do it by triggering a basic male instinct he simply can't ignore. Â
There are specific reasons men avoid commitment. Discover what they are, and you gain the power to transform the way he sees you in his life.
Before we dive into that though, I want to talk a bit about other articles you may have read on this topic.
You've probably seen headlines like, "The Real Reason He Won't Commit" or "Six Signs He'll Never Commit." These types of articles are everywhere. And they tend to say things like, "he's not ready to settle down," "he wants to play the field," and "he's just not that into you."
Now there are definitely "players" out there. Men who just want someone they can hook up with. Someone who won't get in the way of their desire to live free and do whatever they want.
I can't help you with those men.
If a guy flat out tells you he just wants to see you casually. Or you know he's seeing other women and has no desire to stop. Well, you're probably better off investing your
relationship energy elese where.
The things I'm going to teach you are designed to attract a particular type of man. The kind of man who is destined to make you happy.
Let me illustrate with an example.
The Guy Who Kept Pulling Away There's a couple I know who used to have a problem. We'll call them Jack and Jill.
Jack and Jill had been seeing each other for a while. Whenever they were together, you could tell they were really into each other.
There was the typical
passion that comes with the honeymoon stage of any relationship. But there was also a specific type of sweetness.
They cared about each other. They were invested in each other. There was real love there.
But whenever Jill tried to take things to the "next level," Jack pulled away.
He didn't do this in an obvious, straightforward way. There was no conversation where he told her that he wasn't ready. Or that he wanted to keep his options open.
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Instead, he'd smile and nod when she brought it up, then change the subject at the first opportunity. Or he'd suddenly become less available to hang out for a few days. Or weeks.
If Jill ever pushed him on the topic, he said of course he wanted more. But his actions pointed in the opposite direction.
Jill didn't know what to do.
"Is he lying to me?" she asked. "Is he just
stringing me along?"
I didn't think so, so I asked her to tell me more about Jack. I knew he was in his late-20s. And that he was just finishing up his residency at a hospital. A nice guy. Funny. Smart. Rolled his eyes at Grey's Anatomy, but liked Scrubs. A walking Star Trek encyclopedia.
But I needed more insight about Jack.
Jill told me he was grounded. Someone who plans and budgets. A good enough listener to remember her love of an obscure comedian and get them tickets when he was in town. And he was working hard on his first draft of a sci-fi novel.
"No," I told her. "I don't think he's just stringing you along."
"Then what is it?" she asked.
"I think he's a Prince," I said. He hasn't built his kingdom yet.
She was just as confused as you probably are.
Jack's
seeming inability to commit had to do with the inherent need all men have to be a hero. Allow me to explain.
What the Hero Instinct Has to Do with "Not Being Ready" for a Relationship
You may have heard about the Hero Instinct before. Just in case though, here's a quick explanation.
This instinct is a drive every man has. It comes from our distant past. It is rooted in a man's DNA.
We can't control it. Most men are barely even aware of it. Not on a conscious level, at least.
The Hero Instinct is what drove early men to test themselves against wild animals three times their size. And ten times as strong.
It has driven men to war. To scientific discovery. To publish books of poetry. To climb mountains.
It's an innate desire to accomplish things.
But it's not just about accomplishing things. There's a reason men are driven by the hero instinct:
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It makes us feel alive.
For men, this type of
achievement brings catharsis. Fulfilment. Meaning.
It allows us to define ourselves. To feel pride. To feel worthy.
And it's not just accomplishing the goal that matters either.
Having a heroic "mission" causes men to feel needed. To feel irreplaceable. Like they're the only man for the job.
Perhaps you're starting to see how this might relate to getting a man to commit. But don't worry if it's still a little fuzzy. I'm going to lay it out clearly.
Here's what you need to know about the Hero Instinct in regards to a man "not being ready" to commit.
For a man to be able to commit, he needs to be able to open up and connect. This is not easy for most of us. We're just not wired to be emotionally accessible in that way.
Unless we feel like we are engaging in a heroic act.
Something about pursuing a "heroic" goal cuts through our emotional walls. We lower them to accomplish the mission.
Which makes us vulnerable.
And that makes it the perfect way to connect with a man. To hook a man.
Engage a man in acts of
heroism, and he'll feel drawn to you. Invested in you.
For an act to be "heroic" to a man, it must involve one of three things:
1. Achieving something 2.
Protecting someone 3. Earning someone's respect
If a man can do two or more of these things at the same time, all the better.
But it's not just individual acts of "heroism" that motivate men. Every man also has a sort of "heroic journey" that he goes on.
This journey has three distinct stages: Knight, Prince, and King. When I called Jack a "Prince", I was telling Jill that he was in this stage of his heroic journey.
Men in the Prince stage of their heroic journey have a strong desire to accomplish things. Usually things related to work.
In Jack's case, he wasn't just finishing up his residency to become a doctor. He was trying to define his place in society by achieving something.
These things matter in relation to his desire to commit. Because men tend to feel like they have to achieve something before they're "worthy" of settling down. They have to complete
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their mission, achieve something of significance, earn a reputation, or build a legacy.
When Jack pulled away from Jill's attempts to get closer, this was likely the reason. He wanted to be able to say, "I'm the guy who did X. That's why I'm worthy of Jill's love. And that's why I can now settle down and relax into a
relationship."
To be clear, this is not a conscious desire. If asked, Jack would probably have no idea about this motivation.
The closest he might come is a sort of guilty admission that he doesn't feel like he has really accomplished anything yet. Or that he's afraid he won't be able to meet Jill's expectations.
So that's the first way the Hero Instinct can impact commitment. The feeling men have that certain things must be accomplished before they're "ready."
Not being "ready" also has a secondary meaning though.
At its heart, the Hero Instinct is about winning.
You've probably noticed that most guys care a lot more about "winning" than most women do. Men avoid things they can't win at.
When we take steps to achieve our "heroic" goals, those are little "wins" along the way. Tiny accomplishments that provide us with a rush of pleasure and excitement. These experiments make us feel alive.
Imagine a video game where a hero must defeat the big bad guy to save the day. Video games like this are the ultimate manifestation of the heroic journey.
There's always a big, ultimate goal at the very end. Beat the bad guy. Save the world. Rescue the princess.
But there are also always smaller achievements along the way. Things like getting through a difficult level. Beating a bad guy of lesser importance. Gaining some kind of power-up.
These little checkpoints of achievement are not there just to keep the story interesting. Heck, lots of early games barely had a story.
Here's why they're really there: to keep us playing.
The game designers created rewards to keep people playing. Accomplishing one of these minor achievements provides that rush of pleasure and excitement.
Men desperately crave the rush of achievement. The experience of winning.
But there's a flip side to this desire. If a man does not see a way to "win" at something, he will do whatever he can to avoid it.
If he's not at a place in his life where he feels like a "
winner," he will also likely feel that he's "not ready."
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